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Friday, February 20, 2009

The Big Moment Has Finally Arrived - Heck, I'VE Arrived! It's Post One Hundred People!

Holy One Hundredth Post. Did you know? Have you been counting down, holding your breath, or planning a party? If so, you should have told me. I mean here I was in the midst of a big blog-funk, as my hundredth post loomed closer, and closer.

(Do you realize how close that last complainer-post came to being my only shot at a hundredth post? That would have been so lame).

Anyway. Post one hundred. El-posto uno-hundredito. This should be noteworthy. This NEEDS to be noteworthy. Which leads me to the following question: Why is chewing gum such a novelty to small children?

Do you remember being a kid, and having such a desire to chew gum (especially bubble gum) that you would chew any gum, from anyone, found anywhere? No? I guess it was just me then. And Kelly. (I hope you didn't think you were getting out of this one Kel - I am totally taking you down with me). (But it's all for the good of the Hundredth Post, right?)

Kelly is my niece. We are six months apart (long story) and grew up together. As in, lived right by each other. There were several kids in the neighborhood, and at the tender age of about four or five, we spent our days roaming freely from one house to the next. We were best, best, best friends.

And we lived for bubble gum. Seriously. The older neighbor kids payed their dues to their secret club (The Fuzzy Feet Club - do you remember those little Fuzzy Feet sticker guys?) in bubble gum, and Kelly and I weren't "allowed". And by allowed, I mean we weren't allowed membership, lurking-outside-the-door-ship, rock salt eating privileges (they ate rock salt - it was part of the deal - and we'd sneak in and steal it whenever possible), or anything else that had to do with their club. We never even saw the precious bubblegum stash - we just saw them chewing it.

And then one summer day our ship came in.

It was hot. It was sunny. Kel and I were hanging out doing whatever it is four year olds do, when we ended up on my front porch. Like many porches, ours had its share of cobwebby corners, and dead flies. Poking around in one of these dark corners where the siding had come off, exposing the old studs and ship lap of the porch's construction, something caught our attention.

There in that dark, cobwebby, forgotten corner, stuck in amidst the fly carcasses, was a dream come true. A big, orange, already-been-chewed wad of some unknown person's bubblegum. Jackpot. Eavesdroppers would have heard the following conversation:

Whoever spotted it first: Hey, look - GUM! (While reaching toward the new found treasure)

The other one: Wow! That piece is HUGE! (Admiring the gargantuan size of the orange, chewed up wad as it's being carefully pried off the wall in it's slightly-soft-from-the-heat-of-the-day state)

Spotter: (generously) We'll split it. Just help me pick this stuff off.

And I kid you not, to this day I can remember standing there in the sun on my front porch, picking dead flies, cobwebs, and who knows what else, off of that slightly-sticky piece of gum - splitting it - and gleefully popping it into our mouths simultaneously, discovering it still had a little bit of flavor.

Usually we weren't that lucky.

And you've been wondering what was wrong with me.

Happy One Hundredth Post people! And may you never be desperate enough to chew ABC gum - even if it is big, orange, and not quite chewed out.

*This post is dedicated to my un-follower Kristin who will be thoroughly grossed-out by crunchy flies and ABC gum.

20 comments:

Sue Q said...

EEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!

There...somebody had to say it. I think you should go get a tetanus shot, just in case.

Happy 100, my friend! May your future blogs be equally inspiring (if not more so)!

Rachel said...

Yea for 100 posts!!! And I'm sorry to say, but you were a funky kid, hahaha!!! That is the funniest story I've ever heard! Maybe it strengthened your immune system to digest so many germs, eh? :)

Machen family said...

Awesome! What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger right? My sister and I had an exclusive club and we initiated our baby sister by making her pick up all the dog poo that was in our yard and transferring to our neighbors yard.

MaNdA said...

oh my i think we could have been bff growing up???

Kritta22 said...

Congrats on your hundredth post!!

Oh my gosh! I don't think you are suppose to admit to this kinda stuff anymore! :)

Tiffany said...

Congrats on 100
That was a super funny post. loved it.

WatsonFamily said...

That's enough to gag a maggot off a Gut Wagon.

Happy 100th :)

Annie Valentine said...

This one's worthy. Congrats, Jenny Louise.

wendy said...

Happy 100th........We should all send you a stick of gum. Then think of all the gum you would have..and the assortment??? I love bubble gum. I love it when it bursts all over my face and you get to pick it off.

Kelly said...

How can I not comment? That was one glorious day-just how it happened in my memory also. Still, don't discount all of the gum from under basketball bleachers that has been ingested over the years. Double yuck! That makes the orange gum from the porch seem sterile in comparison. Great post.

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

Happy 100th post! And may every stick of gum you find always have flavor.

Denys said...

Yes, definitely a blog-worthy story. I remember when Bryce was like 6 months old and you told me that story at church when I was visiting. It defninitely made an impression and I think I may have even repeated it a time or two - or at least thought about it, for sure! That was just sooooo GROSS!!! Of course, I'm sure I never did anything like that as a child, either. yeah right! PS Bryce is 4 now, and I'm going to be keeping a little closer eye on him....

elesa said...

Hooray! (That's for 100 and for admitting to chewing ABC gum!)

Boy Mom said...

Wow! Way to rock a 100th post. Adorable Hubby and I have shared gum that the other has chewed. Now I know it's a pledge of truest friendship, little sob of gratitude to ya, I thought we were just icky that way.

Grandma Blog said...

When I was a kid I was, a gum chewing addict, it didn't have to be bubble gum. Any old gum would do. Now, I can't even remember when I kicked the habit. I don't recall going thru a 12 step program.

Kristin said...

My eyes are tearing up to have your 100th post dedicated to me. It is unfortunate that today, when you asked if I had gum, that I was not currently chewing some, because I would have LOVED to have offered such a piece to you, as a true friend. I would like however to forget this post ever happened, so that in the future when I see you smile, I'm not looking for fly legs caught in your teeth.

LisAway said...

Um, I remember the crunch of little rocks from the gum that I would scrape up OFF THE ROAD. I think I might possibly have you beat. Not sure, though. Flies are pretty gross (but at least you probably knew the person who'd chewed yours.)

Happy 100th!

Alison Wonderland said...

That is a sad sad story my friend. Sad.

Stephanie said...

That is so gross Jen, but for some strange reason, it doesn't surprise me. If you were deprived of it, then of course you want it, right? I was deprived of Grape Nuts for so long in my life, and now, I cannot get enough of them. :) Congrats on your 100th post. I still remember when I could barely get you to email, and now look at you, you are practically a professional publisher.

JustRandi said...

That is the grossest and funniest combo of a story I've read in a long time! Ewwwww!
Congrats on your 100th post!!