About My "Other" Blog...

So I've been blogging over on my author blog, like a good authoress should, but...

I feel boring over there.

I can't help it. I mean, I'm interested in the kind of stuff I'm writing, but is anyone else? I'm not exactly a famous (or even established) writer, who has loads of writing wisdom to share with poor little beginning authors like me, so what are the chances there are lots (or any) author-y type people being edified or even entertained by my musings on writing and the pains - uh, I mean the joys - of self-publishing? Unfortunately, although people stop by semi-regularly, no one leaves me comments so I don't know that any of them really care a whit for anything that's going on in my author brain.

Somewhere in the midst of sighing over this I made a grave tactical error. I found the place on my blogger dashboard that let me read all my comments from this blog. Like all of them, as in Every. Single. One.

It was so fun. I stayed up till after one in the morning (even though I had to get up at 5:15) laughing over all my old (and long since gone-from-blogland) friends. They were so funny! I had so much fun blogging with them, and trading comments, and caring about what was happening in their far off lives. There is no doubt that my blogging year was a great little chapter in my life.

Apparently, however, I wasn't the only one who needed to tune in to other things in my life, because almost all of the people on my sidebar have been off the radar for two years or more. They probably all facebook and twitter now, but let's face it - it isn't the same. Catching little snippets of a person's life is something, but it's not the same as the quality of entertainment and interaction we all found in blogland.

And those women could write! And they were funny! Now that I've been editing for the last six years, I have a much better appreciation for all of those (supposedly) non-writing women who could sit down at their computer for twenty minutes and dash off a hilarious, or thoughtful post. Reading all of them was like an education in how to get someone to care about what you write. I didn't realize it at the time, but blogging was like an great big, super fun writing workshop for me, and I am so grateful for all the things they taught me about writing - and marriage, motherhood, tragedy, laughter, hard times, good times, and all the times in between. If even half of them were still around to trade stories with, there is no doubt in my mind that I would go back to writing regular posts on this blog just for the chance to associate with others who are interested in sharing life's noteworthy moments.

Even without anyone around, I admit that blogs have once again been popping into my brain. I soooo almost wrote one the night I made my fourteen-year-old son give my twelve-year-old son The Talk - and eavesdropped in on the whole thing (like any good mother would). (And by the way, can I just say that it was possibly the greatest bit of inspiration I have EVER had as a mother?) Once I managed to extricate the need-to-blog bug in my brain, I got to the point where I hardly ever had those blog-writing moments. Now that I'm writing on the other blog, I find myself noticing all the noteworthy things again, and drafting blogs in my head... I do miss capturing those moments, and I have no doubt that someday when my kids discover this blog they will all want to know why I ever stopped recording the history of our lives.

Great. Now I have guilt.

But enough of this. I either need to forget it, or write it for me, and it's time I made up my mind about it. So even if no one is out there anymore, I just may begin popping in here every now and then to let off some steam and entertain myself. And at least I know about the magical comment place that will now let me know if random people stop by and comment on old posts. (The other night I had to go leave a comment for a girl who'd admitted to lurking on my blog in a comment she left two years ago. So sad that I missed her! I love lurkers!) So if anyone does stop by, I just want to say thanks. Thanks for taking the time, and thanks for sharing in a few moments of my life. And in the meantime (and just for old time's sake) in honor of Thanksgiving, check out this old post. It's my Thanksgiving Dinner limerick contest, and the entries are fabulous. All the entries are in the comment box, so scroll on down and enjoy!

I'm Alive!

I really haven't disappeared - my computer has some nasty spyware that is basically shutting it down. Lovely. And then there's the "I can't blog at work" factor, which is SUPER annoying. Tonight, however, I have vowed to take the time and fix up my computer, and then I'll at least be able to read all your blogs - and maybe even give you all that update on my life I know you're all dying for...

Because you are all dying for it right? You can't live without me, and life has become meaningless this week? Right? Right?

Never mind - you aren't required to answer that question...

Rejected

I confess. I've been in a bit of a blog funk lately. Have you noticed? Does it show? (Does it make me look fat?) You can all lie and say nice things, but now I know the truth.

It shows.

How do I know? For the first time since the stupid "Follower" thingy appeared on my sidebar, I lost a follower. That was this morning. Tonight? Another one G.O.N.E. gone.

This is not good for my blogging morale.

What is it about blogging funks, anyway? One day I was blogging like mad, with more posts rolling around in my head than I knew what to do with, and the next day there was nothing. Nodda. Zero, zip, zilch. Not only was there nothing, but I didn't even want there to be anything.

I was this close to blog suicide. (Fine. Blog neglect. SERIOUS blog neglect. I don't think I could ever actually terminate my own creation).

I really did consider just stepping semi-permanently away from the whole blog-thing during that absentee week of mine. Why? I have no idea. It's not like I've lost my life to my blog - I know this because that survey "How Addicted To Blogging Are You?" says I'm only 67% addicted, and those surveys are like science. And seriously, 67% is not that bad.

But despite the odds, I rallied the old brain, revved up the computer, and muscled through the funky feelings. And I have to say it is working. Apparently just not fast enough for two of my (un)devoted followers.

Who un-follows, anyway? (And no, I have zero idea who either of them were, although I do know which page of "manage your followers" one of them left from. Just call me Super Sleuth). I mean, as if the whole "Follow Me" thing isn't designed to make people have feelings of self-doubt and desperation. If I didn't love all those little faces (not to mention dogs, cartoons, tools, etc.) staring at me as if crying in unison "WE LOVE YOU!" I wouldn't even subscribe to the dang thing.

But now two of them have left. And I feel the loss. It's kind of like a gaping hole in my monitor's heart. So before any of the rest of you make your grand exodus, and decide to un-follow me, I just want to plead for patience. I swear I'll be totally non-funky sometime in the near future. (It would probably be nearer if people would stop causing all this blog-stress by un-following me. Seriously. Aren't they at all concerned about my emotional blog-state? In fact, there should be a blog-etiquette rule that you never un-follow anyone whom you suspect to be suffering from blog-funk, as this might just push them over the edge and cause blog suicide. All un-following should be saved for stellar posts with record breaking comments to ease the pain of rejection. Don't you think?)

Okay, really, I'll shut-up now. I just had to get that off my chest, and I really am feeling much better. And next time I see you, I'm sure it will be because I'm sharing one of those stellar posts with the record breaking comments.

Wish me luck.

The Blogging Verdict

Wow. You all should be totally "peaced out" by now, if you read my last post and followed the farewell instructions... That was like almost a week of peacing. You've probably never felt better. In fact - I may have changed your life!

I should get into blogging funks more often.

Actually, this last week has been a rather interesting experiment. You know how when you get sick you can't remember what it feels like to be well? Am I the only one who's noticed this? Or pregnant. You're about eight and a half months pregnant, and you really, truly, can NOT remember what it feels like to not be pregnant?

That's how I was feeling about blogging.

As many of you know, I didn't have internet access in my house until July. Of this year. Shocking, I know. Amazingly, however, we had managed to get by just fine with out it. Emailing me information wasn't always the smartest idea - especially if it was urgent - but otherwise, I (we) were pretty normal.

I really didn't know anything about blogs, except that Annie had one. I would occasionally read hers at my mother's, laugh, and wish I had a google account so I could rat her out on stuff, but that was about it.

Then came that fateful day, when I decided to go big, spend the dough, and get hooked up.

Within the week I was blogging.

At first, I thought that like Annie, I was supposed to blog every day. That lasted about one week. Then I regained my sanity, remembered my children, and toned it down to once every two or three days. I was still only reading a few blogs of close friends and family though, so my blogging world was very small.

Enter mormon mommy blogs.

Can we say total takeover? All of the sudden there were countless cool/funny/witty blogs out there, and not only was I finding them, they were finding me!! I comment, they comment, we comment - before you know it, I have some hysterical blog-friends from all over the place.

And I love to write. What could be better than having something to say (even if it's actually nothing but senseless drivel), putting it into words, and having all these people relate/validate/commiserate with you? Especially if you can occasionally make someone smile. To me, that's the greatest.

And in the faculty room, I can say cool things like "Yeah, I have a blogging friend who lives in Poland. She could probably find that recipe for you."

But then, there was the rest of the story. Like the part where you get on the blog to "check your comments" and enter the phenomenon of blog-time-warp. You know, the one where you SWEAR it's only been a half hour blog-time-warp time, but in the real world it's been two hours?

And there's the hungry/neglected/learning-to-fend-for-themselves children (because Mom is stuck in blog-time-warp and thinks it's only been two minutes since you asked for that sandwich). When they started pointing out my computer time, and making certain accusations (that I will not name, and which many of you have probably heard in your own houses anyway) I decided to take a little control of my blog-life.

Like a responsible adult, I imposed computer time constraints on myself, and have been pretty good at sticking to them - but still. Blogging took things over so fast and furiously, I felt like I was pregnant again. Pregnant with a blog post. I just couldn't remember what it was like to not have one rolling around inside me, waiting - demanding even - to be let out into the wonderful world of Blog.

And then there's the matter of my book. Yes, I am finally coming clean - before the blog, I was taking my creative energies out on a novel. It was coming along nicely before the blog. Now it's more like an orphan... kind of like my actual children...

So anyway, I began to have that feeling. That "what was my life like before the blog?" feeling. I really couldn't remember. Did I get more done? Was I a better mom? If I just stopped would life go back to normal, or would I miss blogging and feel a hole in my soul with out it?

Enter Blogging Funk.

I was at odds with the blog. There was no karma there. I could think of nothing to say, because I wasn't sure if I should keep saying something. So I stopped. For almost a week. The results? (I'm sure I have you on the edge of your seats...)

At first, it was like a big sigh of relief. The pressure (inflicted on myself, by myself) was lifted. I wasn't writing, so no one was commenting, so I didn't have to go look and see what they might have said, so I wasn't also going to see what else they said, and what everyone else said about that. Whew. I had fleeting thoughts about how people might abandon me if I went a week with out contributing, but I recklessly pushed these aside. (We'll see how that one turned out now, won't we?). After all, as of Wednesday... Thursday... EVEN Friday, I wasn't sure if I'd be blogging again anyway.

Then Saturday afternoon I looked around at my house.

Destroyed. Just. Like. Usual.

And I hadn't blogged for DAYS.

I smiled. I "Hmphed". I felt a little giddy.

It wasn't the blog after all! It was just me! I'm just a rotten keeper-up-with-the-messes-everyone-is-making-around-me kind of mom! I know I shouldn't feel so excited about this (I'm sure my husband wouldn't), but the verdict finally came in - blogging is okay!

I can blog.

Just not always three/four times a week.

And that's okay. (Right? You'll still love me???)

*Sigh* I feel much better. Now if they'd only let us access Blogger from work...