And the Winner is....

Time for the big verdict. Can I just say I hate this part? And no one even offered one single opinion, so I am entirely on my own here. As usual, I have not made my decision yet. I always do this the same way - I copy over the ones I got the biggest kick out of, and start typing away, and hope that at some magical moment the choice will seem obvious. Here we go.

We'll start with one of McFarland's. Just for the record, she is our reigning champ. One look at the prolific limericking she's capable of, and no one should wonder that she's in the running every time. My McFarland-favorite this round is this:

Help! I just saw my reflection.
What made me look that direction?
It's the swimsuit you see,
I put it on me!
But why, I have no recollection.

I love how she captured my feelings exactly. I decide I need a swimsuit. I think I know what will flatter. I think I'm thin enough to pull it off. I pick one (or a dozen) off the rack, get into the dressing room, put on a suit, and think, "Why am I here? Why did I think this would work? Why, why, why can't I remember what swimsuit shopping is like!" So sad, yet so true.

Next we have my sister Annie's little gem:

How could this suit do that to me?
I've been wearing it since 2003
I wish I were dead
My face is all red
And my boobies? The public can see

I have to admit, at one point I had this one picked as the sure-fire winner. First off, it's hysterical. Second, what a visual. And third? This would totally have (and probably has) happened to my sister. There is only one small technicality - I said it had to have something to do with swimsuit shopping. Which it doesn't. Unless you can rationalize that she went shopping in 2003, and will now obviously have to go again. We'll see.

And from a new contender, Steph @ Diapers & Divinity:

Swimsuit season is coming in sight.
But shopping for suits? What a fright!
My butt's a sedan.
Maybe I should go tan;
or is cottage cheese meant to be white?

This one is just great. I love the whole to-tan-or-not-to-tan (or possibly more appropriately, to-tan-but-HOW-to-tan) question. As one of those "lucky" women blessed with skin white enough to put the most severe cases of anemia to shame, for me this is an annual debate.


Then there's Alison Wonderland's. She always has some good stuff to throw out there:

For most gals suit shopping's a pain.
Its like money they pour down the drain.
But believe it or not.
I always look hot.
I'm gorgeous. And not at all vain.

The beauty of this one? I wish it were me. I would so love to feel this way when trying on swimsuits. Instead, I feel like all the little issues that are so easily camouflaged by regular clothing are suddenly (and very rudely) put on display, informing the world that I am, in fact, a fraud. Strip me down to an unforgiving piece of spandex, and every little problem glares out, revealing all my disillusionments about being thin and fit.


And now I have to choose. Unfortunately, I feel I must rule out Annie's on the technicality. I'll be expecting her irate phone call anytime. (You can hardly blame her - winning this title is one of her major goals in this life). And of those left, the one that seems to most capture the universal irritations of swimsuit shopping is....

STEPH'S!!!! From DIAPERS AND DIVINITY!!!! Wow. I am just going to go out on a limb and say how incredibly honored she's feeling right now! This is no doubt one of the defining moments of her divine existence. A world title. A PLACE ON MY SIDEBAR!! Steph, don't worry, it's normal for winner's of this title to feel the elation you are currently experiencing. I assure you, however, your feet actually are still on solid ground - despite that floating sensation. Put your head between your knees, take a few deep breaths, and you'll be just fine. Fame can't ruin you unless you let it.

And thanks everyone, for all your limericks. You have no idea how much of a kick I get out of this! Now I just need someone else to host one of these so I can get some of my own limericking out of my system!

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe - I Couldn't Wait, So Here We Go...

I know I said Sunday night, but I just couldn't wait any longer. I had to pick a name. The suspense (and indecision) were KILLING me. So here you go:

And the winner is......

Well, actually I didn't just "pick" a name. I couldn't decide. There were so many good ones that it began to overwhelm my indecisive nature, and I started to feel like I was in Baskin Robbins trying to choose a flavor. So I devised a plan.

At the actual Patch, whenever a new doll is born (grown? picked? de-lettuced?) they let the visitors name them, and sometimes take the two names from different people. So I decided that rather than just pick a name, I would take all the names I liked, first and middle, and write them individually on little pieces of paper, and then have Meara draw two names out of a hat. Here are the names that made the first cut:

Tallula, Diamond, Desiree, Princess, Priss, Daisy, Sky, and Tinsle.

But before I tell you the name, I have to answer Pat's question. Apparently, she's mistaken this blog for the Paul Harvey Show, and thinks I should tell "the rest of the story," aka, how my financially challenged parents managed to secure the doll, and what body parts they had to sell to do so. My mother, it turns out, agrees with her. She read Pat's comment and called me right up to give me the details, which I'll now pass on to you.

December, 1984. As previously mentioned (and already known by everyone anyway) EVERY parent with female offspring under twelve was desperate for a Cabbage Patch Kid doll. According to my mother, it wasn't that they were initially that expensive - $19.95, or something like that - it was that they were so unavailable. People who managed to secure one (or more) at regular price were turning around and making a bundle. Or acquiring new body parts. (So the legend goes...)

Well, it turns out my dad's ex-wife - who consequently wasn't/isn't that fond of my mother, OR my dad - was at some toy warehouse (don't ask me why), saw three Cabbage Patch dolls (there were three of us girls) and was apparently in an extremely charitable mood, because she called my mother to see if she was interested in buying them.

Who knew??

So I owe thanks to my dad's ex-wife for the Cabbage Patch doll my girl-child is currently loving and adoring. My own mother hadn't even considered the possibility of trying to locate and pay who-knows-what for one. The three found at the warehouse were at the regular retail price, so they really didn't cost my parents much at all.

(Sorry Pat, you were probably hoping for a little more sacrifice, starvation, or de-limbing than that. I do hate to disappoint - frankly, I'm a little disappointed myself, to tell you the truth. My years of guilt seem so unnecessary now).

And now, The Name:

(Drum roll, please)

"Desiree Sky"

Isn't that great?! I admit we also drew the name Sky Princess, but it seemed just a bit too regal, so I let Meara try again. And ironically, those were both names submitted by Natalie, compliments of her six year old daughter whom Meara loves and adores. Isn't that fitting? It's like Fate, really. Having a Fate-ish name just might make up for all the years of neglect, and help my old Cabbage Patch doll find a little peace and happiness in this world, don't you think?

So thank you Natalie, and thank you Brooke. You should both be soaring on an emotional high right now, due to this remarkable honor. It's almost like you went to Atlanta, Georgia, visited THE original Cabbage Patch, and named a newborn. And it was totally free.

Isn't Blogland amazing???

And thank you all for your submissions, Desiree totally appreciated your concern on her behalf. She thanks you, I thank you, Meara thanks you... And we'll all live Happily Ever After.

The End.

The Results...

As many of you know (or have figured out), I love limericks. Why? Because it fascinates me to see all the different combinations of words that can go together in the same format to say similar things so many different ways. Just think about it - you could put a thousand people in a room, have them all write a limerick about the same topic, they could all come up with something, and no two would be the same.

Like I said, fascinating.

But before I get any farther ahead of myself, I must acknowledge our reigning champion Lisaway (aka, the American in Poland), who won the last competition (topic: housework) with this fabulous limerick:

My house is one big laundry pile.
Well, there's two, but they each stretch a mile.
There's "dirty" and "clean"
(and some in between)
You'd never know underneath there is tile!

And let me just say that we had some pretty fascinating entries this time around! (If you missed the competition, go here and check out my comment box). It was very hard to choose, so I'm going to post three that made me laugh out loud. The first was by McFarland. I loved this one - it puts such a "glass half-full" spin on the joys of over-holiday-eating, while tying in a little bit of the diet-gospel as well:

I love eating all of my dinner
It makes me feel like a winner
A winner of what?
A big, jiggly butt!!
But does this make me a sinner?

Didn't that crack you up?! The next one is by Annonymous Jim Pettit (who has no blog), and all I can say is that his three entries were a scream. I have no idea what brought him fortuitously to my blog at the time of my limerick contest, but I sure hope he happens along for the next one! I had a hard time choosing a favorite between his three entries, but finally settled on the following:

Oh, this incline I'm on has me huffing!
It's steep, and my lungs are a-puffing!
I need oxygen! Prayers!...
What? It's only some stairs?!
(Note to self: need to lay off the stuffing.)

And I happen to know that several other people are giving him their vote. (Then again, several people are voting for McFarland, so how to choose?) Moving on, however, is my third pick. This one I love for personal reasons. It's my sister Annie's entry, and it so perfectly describes our holiday-feast attitude that I can't ignore it. If any of you want to visualize Annie or me at any feasting occasion, read on:

I gorge on sweet yams and cooked stuffing
So full that I'm huffing and puffing
I think I might die
Until someone yells, "Pie!"
I roll back in, stopping at nuffing.

This is so me.

Just for kicks, I'm going to throw in the Hubby's number one pick - especially since it was also one of my favorites. It was an early entry by another annonymous male, Doug998. I love his creative meter! Not easy to do in a limerick, and definitely worthy of a little spotlight:

So, my doctor is finally sending
Me back to the gym. Now I'm wending
My way there. I'm keen
On a favourite machine ...
(It's the one that does nothing but vending).

But how to choose? This is the hardest contest to judge so far, because all four of these reached out and grabbed my funny bone. There's actually several more I could have included, but I have to narrow it down somehow!

And then there's the sad fact that poor Doug998 and Jim won't even be able to appreciate the (lame) privilege of being on my sidebar. Then again, there's still the World Title... That may come in handy on their resumes in this lovely econimic climate we're having - so who's to say?

Annie, of course, already has her own place of honor over there, so what good would it do her?

And I actually do think that McFarland's got the loudest actual laugh out of me, so...

YOU WIN MCFARLAND!!!! Please, please, try to contain yourself, I know you're excited (and no doubt hyperventilating - anyone have a paper bag for the poor girl), but it's true, you really have won the highly coveted title of "The World's Greatest Limerick Writer EVER!!!"

You must be so proud.

It's like Christmas in November! Too bad you'll have nothing left to wish for...poor girl...

And I promise I'll get you posted over there within twenty-four hours, so just try to be patient. (I know it's hard).

Thanks again everyone, I loved every entry! And I'd also love to hear which limericks appealed to all of you the most too, if you want to let us know (and give more people the credit they deserve) leave a mention in my comment box. And never fear - I'm sure it won't be long until you'll all have a chance to try once more for that elusive title (and lame spot on my sidebar), so make sure you don't miss it!

And Happy Thanksgiving!

The End.

And the New Limerick Champ of the Planet We Call Earth Is...

Can I just say that we have some amazing limerickers out there?! This was a really hard one to judge because so many were so good. First we have our reigning champ Sue, from The Quack Shack, who turned out two fine limerick specimens. They are both worth a looksy, and qualified as contenders:

When doing laundry, I've cried,
"Oh, help! Your tips, please confide!"
Whites don't go with peach
Stay away from the bleach
Lest everything comes out tie-dyed!

I hang out my clothes on the line
The sun dries them crispy, but fine
I'll save a few dimes
But spend so much time
Hunting socks that aren't even mine.

Love the tie-dyed line! So original. The two that gave me the biggest laugh were from new contenders. This first one is from Lisa over at Away From It All, and here it is:

My house is one big laundry pile.
Well, there's two, but they each stretch a mile.
There's "dirty" and "clean"
(and some in between)
You'd never know underneath there is tile!

What a great visual! And the other funny girl new to our contest is Alison Wonderland. This one has one of my favorite openers:

My daughter just puked on her sheet.
The baby, his diapers they leak.
Which leaves me in a quandary,
I refuse to do laundry,
But my house it is starting to reek.

Can I just say that I've been here??? These were both so fabulous, that I had to take a poll here at home to make my decision. As soon as I'd decide on one, I'd change my mind and be back to the other one. Finally, however, after several people weighed in, I managed to make my decision. And the winner is...

Lisa, from Away From It All!!!!! GOOOOO Lisa! I sure hope there was somebody there to catch her when she fell, because in her picture she looks tall. I'd hate to be responsible for injury over in Poland - I don't know if their medical facilities are up to snuff. (She'll have to let us know in her next post).

To the rest of you limerick writers, thanks for making me smile! I can't wait for an excuse to have another one!!

And the Winner Is...

And the winner is..... soyandrue! When it came right down to it, the only way to judge was by which one struck me as the funniest - and this one makes me chuckle every time. So congratulations soyandrue, you have earned your own special place on my sidebar, where the world can appreciate you for being the fine limerick writer you are. I have no doubt that you are thrilled with this distinction. What an honor. Can someone pass the girl a tissue? I think she's overcome.

And here is that winning limerick, for those of you who haven't had a chance to read it yet:

So how did I get so addicted?
My fingers are really inflicted
Carpal Tunnel's no joke
My keyboard is ... broke
And my grammar is really restricted.

Again, I would like to thank everyone who entered my contest. I loved all of your entries, and plan on doing this again in the near future. This means soyandrue will have to defend her title - so practice those limericks!

P.S. Annie and Natalie both get awards for producing the most entries, and being the most supportive friends/sister EVER. Thanks girls!! (Hope you didn't think I meant some kind of actual award, it's more like a big mental "thank you" that will make you feel good inside. After all, I'd hate to promote materialism by giving anyone anything super cool - I'm really righteous like that).

Hope to see you all next time...