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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

VL Club Part Two:

***In case the title didn't clue you in, this the second installment of my first kiss story. To begin at the beginning, start here.***

Okay, so we'll call him "Phil". (This actually isn't the first post about Phil. Remember the Valentine's Day disaster? Same guy. Except that post (despite a VERY trunkated version of last night's info) was about the end of our relationship, while this is about the beginning. Totally different vibe here. Anyhow).

After two years of playing roughly twelve hours of pick-up basketball a week with 99% male coeds, I had never once been asked out, asked for my number, or even spoken to much - unless it was words like "Ball!" or "Shoot!" Then I go home for Christmas, change my buddy-stamp for an I-want-to-date-you-stamp, and bingo. Within the first week Phil stops me after a hot and sweaty night of basketball (I'm sure I was looking lovely) and asks for my phone number.

I'm sure I was very calm, cool, and collected on the outside, but inside I was doing some kind of primitive victory-freak-out. And Phil was pretty cute too. And six foot five. And a really good basketball player.

So then he called me, and we went to an on-campus dance. And then he called me again and took me night skiing at good old Kelly's Canyon. Poor guy - my court skills gave him the impression I was athletic. It was my second time on the slopes, and he took me to the top. Let's just say it was a really long way down. Yet he still continued to call. And we kept going out on cheesy little dates, and hanging out together.

But there was no kissing. Hand holding - yes, but smooches - zero. Why, you ask? What was wrong with him/me/us? He found out I'd never been kissed and felt GUILTY taking that away from me!!! Here I was trying to get rid of my VL status like it was radio active, and he was all "That's so special. Your first kiss should be really meaningful."

Bleck. But then I put that scheming little brain of mine to work and set about getting what I wanted...

Phil took astronomy. What could be more natural than for me to go star gazing with him? So (at my request) we made a date, and set out for the baseball fields one frigid, February night.

Did I mention it was cold? We're talking Rexburg cold here - like below-zero-with-that-wonderful-blowing-wind kind of cold. Other than that, however, the situation was prime. Beautiful sky, beautiful stars, and me wanting a beautiful kiss. My brother had even called to coach me on how to secure this kiss. He informed me that all I had to do was stare into his eyes... and then look at his lips. I was armed and dangerous, and Phil didn't stand a chance.

But it took him a really long time to believe he was worthy to kiss a VL member. Seriously. He talked about the honor for like ten minutes. And all the time my poor little kiss-starved lips were growing colder, and colder.

Then finally, he stopped talking. (As much). I was staring. We were locked in a tight, kiss-me-baby embrace. Orion and his belt were shining down, illuminating the utter romance of the moment. My neck was about to break from staring straight up at his 6'5-ishness. And then he leaned down, and I stretched up, and our lips met...

Have you ever tried to talk in Rexburg cold? Did you happen to notice how it actually gets difficult to form your words because as your lips begin to freeze off your face they don't work so well? Yeah. Frozen lips do nothing for kissing. My lips were so cold it felt like they'd been shot with novocain and I was chewing on them to see if there was any feeling coming back. And his weren't any better. And his nose was REALLY cold.

And not realizing the full impact our frozen lips were having on our kissing experience I began to panic, sure that I must be the world's worst kisser ever. No matter how hard I tried to make my lips do something besides act like two blocks of wood, they just wouldn't work. I was so depressed. I had been so positive I'd be a great kisser - and even more positive I'd love kissing - and instead, I was a failure.

What a let down.

So we went back to my apartment. And talked. And my lips thawed out. And then... The dream came back alive, baby! Those first kisses might have been like making out with a side of frozen beef, but once I got warmed up it was all good. And don't worry Mom, Phil had kissing rules. As evidenced by his chivalrous attitude toward my VL status, he was very pure. (But he was still a great kisser).

So the moral of the story is, if you live in Rexburg and are plotting your first kiss, plan for summer. I hear the baseball fields are beautiful that time of year.

27 comments:

Kritta22 said...

LOL I love it! Frozen lips!

I'm glad you made up for it! :)

LisAway said...

I was LAUGHING OUT LOUD. This is hilarious. As soon as you mentioned it was freezing I was thinking, Oh no. I hate that not-being-able-to-form-words-it's-so-cold, and can imagine kissing in it would be significantly worse.

And my first kiss was on a swing. And he was nervous about it, too, so on Valentine's day along with his card, he gave me a coupon for my first kiss so I could decide when it would be. Funny. And possibly dumb. But I thought it was romantic anyway. I still have that coupon (I did use it, but apparently asked for it back to show our future children. Oops, that didn't work out. . .) Silly.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I love it. Too too funny. And well worth the wait. And there is Kristina first again in her warm snuggly. Maybe she looks more like a smurf than the cookie monster.

Thanks for sharing. I will smile everytime I think of this story.

R Max said...

Kissing rules?

What were they pray tell? "I will not kiss you under a tree... I will not kiss you within 20 yards of a grocery store... I will not kiss you in view of a peanut butter sandwich" ??

Sue Q said...

Summer is a WAY better time to go star gazing!

This was delightful, dahling. So memorable, so sweet, and utterly sentimentally mooshy. Brings back all kinds of memories that I thought seventeen years of therapy would have cured....

And I'll never look at a side of beef the same way again.

That Girl in Brazil said...

Possibly best kissing story. Ever.

Alison Wonderland said...

See, but being VL forever's good for something, i couldn't tell you the story of my first kiss because I don't remember it.

honeypiehorse said...

Great advice. Frozen lips bad. Warm apartment good.

Claire said...

HAHAHAHA Orion and his belt were shining down... that has to be one of the funniest things I've heard. SO funny. First kisses are kind of weird. I don't think a lot of people have good experiences. I had mine on a beautiful beach in scotland (st andrews). Cold too. Then i tasted something weird. I soon realised this guy's nose was dripping and i was sucking on snot. It fizzled out not long after. The relationship - not the snot.

Barbaloot said...

Chewing on your lips?! That sounds like it could've been painful...if you had feeling in them:)

Sounds like I need to get one of those dating stamps for my own forehead.

Natalie said...

Oooh... Claire! I was reading this while eating breakfast! How gross!

Machen family said...

Soo romantic! I bet you are a good kisser...not that I want to know, but when my first kiss came along I thought "this is it? my pillow makes better make out partner?"

Machen family said...

I meant exlamation mark at the end of that...I knew that my pillow was a better!

My Diary said...

You know what really good kissing is, one with cold lips the other with warm and it is so cool because you can feel each others lips so well.

Too bad that did not happen.

I wish my brother would have told me the stare at the eyes and look at lips trick. I was too much of a chatter and missed out on many kissing opportunities.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

WOW...never tried kissing with REALLY cold lips...I always thought it would be romantic...thanks for blowing THAT out of the water!!! lol!

Great story though...our beginnings sound the same... :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha haa hahah I love it. You are such a good story teller. Frozen side of beef. I'm totally feeling you. I went to Ricks and there's NOTHING like that wind chill factor to spoil the mood. I had a similar experience with a guy there. Except we were sitting in a car talk talk talking about why we hadn't kissed yet. It had been a forever long anitcipation. Finally I wagged my tongue rudely WHY DON'T YOU JUST KISS ME ALREADY!

So he did! And WOW did he!

April said...

I'm surprised your teeth weren't chattering so badly that you smacked teeth instead of kissed! Not that I've done that!

nevadanista said...

Oh that was great! But phil was kind of annoying not kissing you when you were so desperate!

And see, I just don't understand all the Edward lovers wanting to kiss his frozen marble lips!!! Not at all appealing...

T said...

so maybe kissing a vampire isn't such a great plan...

Jen said...

Nevadanista and T - This is exactly why I would have gone for Jacob ANY DAY!

Robyn said...

Ok, I am just wondering what was wrong with all those basketball players since it took so long for one to ask you out. Personally, it was the best way for me to find dates! So did you buy your roomies some ice cream after?

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

This reminds me why being young and single wasn't all that great.

Funny story!

Jen said...

Robyn - that's because you always had the date-me stamp! Remember how we'd go to the dances and like five guys would ask you for your number? And I'd just sit there like a bump on a log? Right next to you? It was so sad.

Haynsy said...

I've never been kissed like that by a guy.....

and I never will.

BTW - I've seen you kiss Rusty... shall we ask how much practice since the first?

Jen R. said...

ha ha ha. My first kiss was at the beach...I was 15. (I was set on being a rebel...sixteen could not wait.) Anyways...he stuck his tongue in my mouth, my teeth were closed (not prepared for a french kiss) and he totally licked my teeth. Which made me laugh really hard. He never kissed me again.

Melissa Bastow said...

That's hilarious! I vowed on my eternal soul NEVER to attend Ricks college (I'm a total rebel) and yet I ended up marrying a guy going to that school anyway. So I totally get the winter thing. Also I think you have inspired me to write about my under the stars kissing experience (well, one of them....the other one is just sappy, and about my husband, not so exciting really.) And I think someday I will try making out after freezing my lips so that I can feel like I'm knocking wooden blocks against someone's face.

Denys said...

Hey - I read part 1 so long ago and I remembered tonight to come back to it! (I was w/out internet for 2, looong weeks!) Was worth the read, as usual. Keep up the good writing - and don't forget to drop some comments on my blog, once in a while!
ps Enjoyed the "fantisizing about bath #2 and walk-in closet" entry -
once upon a time we had a house with a walk-in closet and I did exactly as you described, shut the door, turned on the light and got dressed. But now that I think about it, I was so tired to be getting up that early, I hated that bright light!