Friday, January 2, 2009

"Out of the Patch" Twenty (plus) Years Later...

I braved my mother's attic the other day. Seriously. Not only did I have to cut my way through a solid wall of cobwebs, but the light was out, and the boards laying across the rafters that serve as a "floor" are WAY less sturdy than they used to be.

But guess what I found? No, not the things I was actually looking for. Something even better...

I found my old Cabbage Patch. In her original clothes. Her long brown hair was still braided. She was still wearing a diaper. She's in like-new condition, and she deserves someone to love and adore her, because (as you can tell from the description) it's pretty obvious that no one ever did.

Let's go back in time.

The year: I'm pretty sure I was in third grade, making it 1984.

The situation: Every girl-child in the world wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll.

The resulting complication: They were impossible to find, cost an arm and a leg, and I think a few people sold-their-souls/lost-their-lives in the pursuit of obtaining one.

The big lie: I told my parents I wanted one, because that's what everyone else was saying. Good thing they weren't jumping off cliffs...

I have no idea why I thought I would play with one. Kelly had been trying to force me to play with dolls for all six-plus years of my existence, and I really wasn't interested. Besides, I didn't really think my parents would get one anyway. Things were pretty tight for us, and every day there were crazy people paying ridiculous prices for Cabbage Patch dolls.

Imagine my surprise (and mustered excitement) Christmas morning when I unwrapped brown haired, brown eyed, brown dressed, _______ _________.

That's right people. I am apparently the only grown woman in the world who owned a Cabbage Patch and doesn't even remember her name. EVERYONE I talk to remembers the name of their Cabbage Patch! (And the name of their sister's, and their cousin's, and that little girl's down the road). I, on the other hand, have no idea.

You know when there's something you know, but you just can't remember? Like a phone number, an address, or some one's name??? Yeah. Nothing. It isn't in there - it's G.O.N.E. gone. Probably because I only said it like three times. I had hopes that Annie or Kelly would remember, but since they rarely SAW my doll, (because I would never play babies with them) although they can tell me all about each other's dolls, they recall nothing about mine.

But did I mention what fabulous shape she's in? In fact, if it hadn't been for Whitney, she'd still be wearing her original diaper. (Thanks Whit. I'm still holding that one against you). But hey, at least she got played with that one time, right? And since there's no getting that diaper back, she's out of the collectors-item running, so I decided to pass her on to Little Miss Two (who is apparently very un-like me when it comes to playing with dolls, and is bound to give mine all the love and affection she deserves).

But if LMT is going to play with her properly, she needs a name. A Cabbage Patch-ish name. So taking the lead from Annie (who secured a FAKE i.e. nameless Cabbage Patch for her own daughter), I am going to have a "Name That Doll" contest. Leave me you're best, most authentic sounding Cabbage Patch name in my comment box, and I'll choose a winner. If the choice is obvious I'll just choose, and if I can't decide I'll pick out of a hat.

The prize? (In typical lame-prize fashion), My old doll will be the proud bearer of the name YOU submitted. I know. Just think of it. I hope all you hopefuls don't crash my site in your mad dash to earn this important distinction.

And please don't let me down - I need a good selection to choose from. Think of it this way: My poor, old, TERRIBLY (very possibly more so than any other Cabbage Patch in history) neglected doll needs a new name/identity for her new start. You could make this happen. YOU could change a Cabbage Patch life. This kind of good-will opportunity doesn't come along every day, so don't let it pass by! (Besides, I need the help. I can only come up with really lame names that sound like I'm trying too hard. Apparently I just don't have good Cabbage Patch Karma).

(Contest open until Sunday night)


McFarland Family said...

It took me ten minutes, but I finally remembered the first name of mine. It was a preemie. The first name was Alma, which was a huge let down to me because it was a boys' name in my mind. And my doll was a girl. Sorry, I don't have an entry. I'm terrible at picking names.

Alison Wonderland said...

Heidi Alicia Nicole

Benadette Julianne(you could call her Bernie for short!)

But I recommend trying this site You're welcome.

Laura said...

I think I can remember your Cabbage patch's original name....I'm working on it, it's on the tip of my tongue! Mine was Malina Rolanda, by the way, and Mom hated it.

Barbaloot said...

I had two cabbage patch dolls-and please don't ask why because I never asked for them. Apprently 'only girl' status lends itself to every gift I ever received being a doll.
Anyway, I didn't even know the dolls came with names. I gave them my own. Vanilla (who was the exact same color as the vanilla ice cream my dad ate) and Product 19 (which was my mom's favorite cereal). I also had a doll named Spoon Truck Nonsense. Yeah-I'm real creative. You're welcome to recycle any of those :)

Machen family said...

I too was super jealous of all the girls who got their own cabbage patch kids. I remember a girl bringing in her doll for show and tell and was telling everbody about the big birthday bash she threw for her "baby" and invited all the girls in our class that owned one. You know where that left me. I finally got my doll.. when I was in 8th grade, sweet Hazel (my adopted grandma) gave her to me. My younger sisters were all happy.
My submission for the name is Selena Smitty...(don't ask me why it's the only thing that popped in my head, but I really want to win this one since I didn't even get an honorable mention for my limericks..but I'm so over that now)

. said...

I don't remember removing her diaper, I guess I did? But as I can tell from this post she was your pride and joy...ha ha! I bet if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have even been played with :)

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

This post made me feel sooooo oooold. Thanks for that by the way, because I got married in 1984, yes I was 10 at the time, but still.
So obviously I am to ancient to have ever received a cabbage patch. But I am sure that doesn't exclude me from the contest.

So let me think,

Emmaline Louise
Penelope Sue
Pipi Longstocking
Amelia Anne
Tiffany Michelle
Ashlee Marie
Brigitta Noelle

I will have to think on this for a while. Maybe I'll be back.
Great post, but I want to know your mother's perspective. What did she do to acquire the doll? Did she sell her hair or win a wrestling match with another crazed mother. Or was it just a boring thing where she happend to buy it months earlier before all the mania started? I want to know the rest of the story.

Natalie said...

Well, since this baby is going to be a member of Team Baxter, I think she needs a Gaelic name. So, I propose these names:

Bridget Colleen

Kierra Elise

Talulla Sinead

Rowan Shavonne

Fiona Quinn

and in honor of Grandma Diane...

Eryn Diane

Of course, all of these names are interchangeable. Don't rule one out just 'cause you don't like the combo! You can totally switch it up!

evitafjord said...

I had one only because we were in a car accident on Christmas Day that year and Payless (the drug store, not the shoe store) had donated some to the hospital. The original name of mine was Frederica Stephanie, but I changed it to Elizabeth Stephanie when I sent in the paperwork for the certificate, which I still have because my mom laminated it and put it in my collection of school papers she saved. I had my doll until some time last year when she had to be disposed of. I can't remember why though. She was seriously dirty by then, but her hair still smelled like powder.

I think in keeping with the apparent tradition, she has to have a fairly dreadful first name and then a benign middle name.

Calliope Abigail

Jen said...

Thanks to everyone so far. I appreciate the loan of your brain cells.

Laura - you seriously think you can come up with it? And Mom was right. That was an awful name.

Barbaloot - I'm in love with the name Product 19, it's so feminine. And I think you must have some kind of gift for doll naming. If you could just find a market, you'd no doubt make millions...

Machen - You know I love you (and your limericks), but I knew a girl named Selina, and she was smutty - which is REALLY close to Smitty - so that one might not be a go. I would, however, like to proclaim to all of blogland that Machen Rocks!!! (There, does that make up for it?)

Pam - Wow. You must have grown up in Arkansa.

Natalie - I have to say I'm in love with Tallula Sinead. Seriously.

Evita - You really, really excell at hideous first names. That was amazing.

Annie Valentine said...

Why not Jenny Louise? Or Natasha Jane?

WatsonFamily said...

Ha ha these are so funny. My sister just found mine and sent it to me. We also have a newspaper clipping from when we were little. Our School had "Cabbage Patch Kids Day". And the boys brought their Transformers. Too funny..and weird.
Name from me: Rosemarie Diamond, in honor of my little sis.

If not that you could always go with a Garbage Pail Kids name like: Leaky Lindsay.

We sure had a collection of those...till my mom got sick of us getting them and talking about them and fighting over them. One day she sat on the floor in the hallway with some nice sharp scissors in one hand and well, they were history!

Anonymous said...

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Thanks for stopping by. I post at least 3 times a week. :) Check out the Sarah Palin blog - it's in my blog list on the left hand side of the blog. And it's supportive of her. :)
God bless and stop by again.

Anonymous said...

Since I'm older I don't EVEN remember that they HAD names - now is that sad or WHAT? I bot them for my daughter. Well I can always come up with a lovely name ... Brianna Tinsley ... If you want it to be more original than the usual. Although, I've never seen a Rolanda as a mid name for a girl. :)

Jen said...

Watson - I'm loving Rosemarie Diamond! That totally sounds Cabbage Patchy.

And Bevy, the whole Tinsley thing made me think of Tinsle, which sounds like something some child would suggest down at the Patch.

I may have to draw names here - this is getting difficult.

Anonymous said...

In keeping with the "cabbage" theme, you could name her something like Asparagus Ashley or Brussel Sprout Baby or Okrah Olive. But I wouldn't.

Jimh. said...

Annabelle Louise...

Audry Rose...

Daisy Marie...

Hope those help.

Melissa Bastow said...

So I'm thinking that you should just name the doll "Melissa Bastow." For some reason I just really like it. Don't you like that name? It's GOOOOOOOD.

And just in case you don't, I looked some up for you:

Marcelle Elizabeth
Thalea Jewell
Renata Ada
Geneva Gena
Vilma Herlinda

But those are weird, so I would just stick with Melissa Bastow. Yup. Oh, and for the record, mine was named Candace and she had a hard body so I could take her into the bath tub with me. And when I was in second grade I was in the hospital with pnemonia and the nurse gave me a diaper for her and I didn't even say thank you because I was a regular poop back then.

Jen said...

While vegetable themed names are probably out, Audry Rose isn't bad. And then there's "Melissa Bastow".


I can't believe I didn't think of that one myself! Although Vilma Herlinda is also quite tempting...

LisAway said...

Well, I never had a Cabbage Patch doll and I don't appreciate the way you're making class distinctions here on your blog in this sneaky way (waiting to see who tells you that had one, too and then deciding that they're the cools ones).

Isn't it crazy how wack-o everyone went for those? Long lines, waiting lists, ridiculous prices etc. They're just dolls! But they smell like heaven.

Sorry I have no name suggestions for you, but you've got some great ones. I don't envy you the task of choosing one!!

SWIRL said...

Stephanie Marie!
Oh where is she now???

I totally laughed - that is too funny.. you found her with the original box.

I saw them- the "classic cabbage patch" at Toys R US this past Christmas and wanted to buy one just for good measure..

Natalie said...

Okay, I'm pulling out the big guns. I asked Brooke. So, here are the official six year old girl suggestions:

Molly May

Pollyanna Priss

Alaura Dannon

Sky Parker

Allysa Rose

Elliana Lily

Shaylee Samantha

Laurali Jade

Princess Gardener

Daisy Dezeray

Mellisa Hope

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Wow Natalie, those are some doosies. I especially like Alaora Dannon.

Jen said...

Natalie, Brooke DEFINITELY has the six-year-old-naming thing down. Those names are straight out of the patch! My favs: Pollyanna Priss, Sky Parker, and Daisy Dezeray.

Thanks Brooke!

Anonymous said...

Hagdalena Magdelena Hoofenteimer

Classic. Hands down.

And then there's my husband's contribution: Gwendolyn Marie. (He actually wanted to name one of our daughters that, but I had to let him down carefully....)

You'd think, having four daughters that this would be easy for me, but seriously, how easy is it to come up with a first name that will roll off the tongue with a last name like ours?