"Out of the Patch" Twenty (plus) Years Later...

I braved my mother's attic the other day. Seriously. Not only did I have to cut my way through a solid wall of cobwebs, but the light was out, and the boards laying across the rafters that serve as a "floor" are WAY less sturdy than they used to be.

But guess what I found? No, not the things I was actually looking for. Something even better...

I found my old Cabbage Patch. In her original clothes. Her long brown hair was still braided. She was still wearing a diaper. She's in like-new condition, and she deserves someone to love and adore her, because (as you can tell from the description) it's pretty obvious that no one ever did.

Let's go back in time.

The year: I'm pretty sure I was in third grade, making it 1984.

The situation: Every girl-child in the world wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll.

The resulting complication: They were impossible to find, cost an arm and a leg, and I think a few people sold-their-souls/lost-their-lives in the pursuit of obtaining one.

The big lie: I told my parents I wanted one, because that's what everyone else was saying. Good thing they weren't jumping off cliffs...

I have no idea why I thought I would play with one. Kelly had been trying to force me to play with dolls for all six-plus years of my existence, and I really wasn't interested. Besides, I didn't really think my parents would get one anyway. Things were pretty tight for us, and every day there were crazy people paying ridiculous prices for Cabbage Patch dolls.

Imagine my surprise (and mustered excitement) Christmas morning when I unwrapped brown haired, brown eyed, brown dressed, _______ _________.

That's right people. I am apparently the only grown woman in the world who owned a Cabbage Patch and doesn't even remember her name. EVERYONE I talk to remembers the name of their Cabbage Patch! (And the name of their sister's, and their cousin's, and that little girl's down the road). I, on the other hand, have no idea.

You know when there's something you know, but you just can't remember? Like a phone number, an address, or some one's name??? Yeah. Nothing. It isn't in there - it's G.O.N.E. gone. Probably because I only said it like three times. I had hopes that Annie or Kelly would remember, but since they rarely SAW my doll, (because I would never play babies with them) although they can tell me all about each other's dolls, they recall nothing about mine.

But did I mention what fabulous shape she's in? In fact, if it hadn't been for Whitney, she'd still be wearing her original diaper. (Thanks Whit. I'm still holding that one against you). But hey, at least she got played with that one time, right? And since there's no getting that diaper back, she's out of the collectors-item running, so I decided to pass her on to Little Miss Two (who is apparently very un-like me when it comes to playing with dolls, and is bound to give mine all the love and affection she deserves).

But if LMT is going to play with her properly, she needs a name. A Cabbage Patch-ish name. So taking the lead from Annie (who secured a FAKE i.e. nameless Cabbage Patch for her own daughter), I am going to have a "Name That Doll" contest. Leave me you're best, most authentic sounding Cabbage Patch name in my comment box, and I'll choose a winner. If the choice is obvious I'll just choose, and if I can't decide I'll pick out of a hat.

The prize? (In typical lame-prize fashion), My old doll will be the proud bearer of the name YOU submitted. I know. Just think of it. I hope all you hopefuls don't crash my site in your mad dash to earn this important distinction.

And please don't let me down - I need a good selection to choose from. Think of it this way: My poor, old, TERRIBLY (very possibly more so than any other Cabbage Patch in history) neglected doll needs a new name/identity for her new start. You could make this happen. YOU could change a Cabbage Patch life. This kind of good-will opportunity doesn't come along every day, so don't let it pass by! (Besides, I need the help. I can only come up with really lame names that sound like I'm trying too hard. Apparently I just don't have good Cabbage Patch Karma).

(Contest open until Sunday night)