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Monday, January 12, 2009

Boys Will Be Boys

If a little boy and his baby sister (or brother) were being raised on an island by and old woman, how old would the little boy be before he began sitting on his smaller sibling to repeatedly jab his index finger into his/her chest?

Just wondering.

You can see here how I have factored in a care giver that would in no way pass on knowledge of such torture. In fact, since said island is also void of any other humans/television/contact-with-outside-world, I have removed any and all sources for sibling torture information.

And yet, you can see that I am still banking on the fact that it will happen. Eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. Why is this?

I distinctly remember the infamous chest-poking and other (MANY other) tortures inflicted on me by my older brother. Having my nose stuck in his smelly armpit, being exposed to extremely harmful bodily gases at point-blank range, and other worse (MUCH worse) tortures I will save for another post. (This particular brother was so creative in his sibling-torture methods, it will require a separate post to truly appreciate his mastery of this male art).

The inspiration for this post? I just watched my nice little five year old sit on Little Miss Two's stomach, and poke her repeatedly in the chest. This is obviously a genetically hardwired behavior, and it's not the only one either. Take sound effects for instance. Boys are practically born making sound affects. I remember being completely awed by the explosion noises my nephews (who are only a few years younger than me) could make when we were kids. When no one was around, I'd actually practice just to see if I could figure out how to make them myself, and I couldn't do it. Now I sit around and continue to be amazed by my own three boys.

Seriously. Five year old males are better than a sound stage when it comes to Marshall arts or laser gun wars. Little Miss Two makes her feeble attempts at gun sounds and things, but her chromosomes are clearly not designed for convincing noises. Sound affects are not part of female genetic make-up.

The female gift is bossing.

Am I the only one who's noticed this? By the time she was old enough to walk, my girl child could put her hand on her hip and sass with the best of them. She lives for telling people what to do. It's like I have an echo. As soon as someone's in trouble there she is relishing every last chastisement, and doing her best to repeat it all word for word, and gesture for gesture. And if you're smaller (or even just barely bigger) than Little Miss Two, watch out. She will be telling you where to go, and how to get there. And you will be blamed for everything not right in the universe. And if you're around during the prayer, she will have her eagle eyes peeled to catch the slightest break in proper-praying-posture. (Actually, no one - regardless of size - is exempt from this last one).

After watching the scores of children around me (and remembering being one myself) I have come to the conclusion that these things are universally so. And while there are always exceptions to every rule, for the most part I stand by my theory. Boys will be boys, and girls will be bossy.

21 comments:

Barbaloot said...

Boys will be boys and girls will be bossy:) So true!
And have you noticed how every boy has the talent to make car and truck noises, while the best girls can muster is an odd growl?

Machen family said...

My brother wouldn't poke us, he would just pin us down and dangle spit over us and if we moved too much it would splatter all over our face, or if he was in a particularly giving mood, he would just suck it all back in. Disgusting.

Grandma said...

My oldest brother was the meanest thing that ever came down the pike. He would throw a blanket over my head and try to suffocate me. As you can see, he never succeeded, but I thought any minute would be my last.

lifeinthehighlands.com said...

And then, if you are lucky enough to have two girls, they'll both want to be the boss.

Things will get ugly. Because there can only be one boss.

May the best girl win.

Rachel said...

Awesome!!! I love how you've analyzed the deviousness in kids! I was the oldest of 10 kids, I am QUEEN BOSSY. I always wished I had an older brother, but reading your trials, I am now kind of glad I didn't!! Sound effects though...just between husband and wife...haha! I *try* to produce the disgusting sounds and smells my wonderful husband can concoct and smirk at me with but I just *can't*!!! I can however, belch better than any truck driver alive! What a funny post you wrote!!! I love it!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I agree with you, so so true.

And how did the book turn out? Was it worth your weekend?

Inquiring minds want to know. Oh and me too.

Jen said...

NHC - The book rocked. And now I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting for the fourth installment. It could be awhile. It's killing me. And like someone else said, it actually made me want to go back and read books one and two - which is huge, because THEY are huge! And this (to me) was the best of the three.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Glad you finished it. I hate that about books that you have to wait for the next one. Patience is not big with me. I hated waiting for each Harry Potter book, only to read it in a day and then have to wait two more years for the next one. AAAARRRGGGGG!!!!

That Girl in Brazil said...

Sympathies for waiting out the next Eragon installment. I'm right there with ya.

And the jabbing. I'd give them two hours, tops. And one hour before they start drawing lines in the sand and demanding, "DON'T BREATHE ON MY SIDE OF THE ISLAND!"

Kelly said...

Love this post, because it is so funny and so true! Can't wait to see how Meara and Kelsi get on today because that will make 2 bossies in the house.

Alison Wonderland said...

I heard somewhere that they had studdied the vocalizations of a group of two and three year olds thinking that the girls talked a lot more than the boys did. And they found out that in actuality the boys and girls made roughky the same amount of oral noise. It's just that the boys only used their mouths to talk about 50% of the time and the other 50 was spent making various sound effects. The girls on the other hand only wasted about 10% of their breath on non-word noises. (And I'm willing to bet at least 80% of those words involved telling someone else what they should be doing.)

Kellie said...

I laughed when you started mentioning how bossy girls are and how you have an echo. That is my life every day!

R Max said...

My brother was into long term torture. He hid my shoes so by the time I found them, I couldn't fit them. They were brand new!

I hate him.

Annie Valentine said...

I love this post, Jen. You're good.

Stephanie said...

That's hilarious. I love this one.

Natalie said...

What?! Where did my other comment go? I left one last night... that's odd. Oh well. I just told you that I could just picture your kids' exact body language and voices when I read this and I was cracking up. They really are cute little characters.

ade said...

I'm not sure about the girl part - but yep, gotta love them good ole boys!!

Love ya,
Adrianne

nikkicrumpet said...

I think you're right....My brothers were gold medalists at sibling torture. I still have the scars to prove it!

jane said...

that is so funny! I didn't have any sibling torture growing up, but I do think - from our home - boys with boys breed the torture and chaos. My little guy, being the only ONE has his moments to tease his sisters, but it's pretty rare. I have to focus on toughening him up a bit!

vkrem1dm said...

Boys will be boys! I took my daughter to a playdate with a little boy for the first time and couldn't get over the difference in interaction styles. He ran over to her while she was still strapped (thankfully!) in her car seat and started rocking her to the point of almost tipping over. I just can't see a little girl welcoming her guests this way!

And the diva in her is coming out. If I don't do what she wants immediately there is significant attitude. Too bad I don't subscribe to this demanding demeanor. She'll learn!

Bevy said...

Two older bros and I don't like the door closed - don't know why - maybe it's cause my muffled screams Mom couldn't hear as well. MEAN older bro - meaner than Gramma's! :(
No one has to teach boys how to be boys or girls how to be bossy - it comes natch! :)