Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My "Moment"

I got a little teary eyed at the school today. It was one of those moments. I'm not exactly sure what we call this particular brand of "moment" but I'm sure others have experienced something similar.

Conan was at preschool, the other boys (obviously) were at school, and Meara and I had run into the elementary office to take care of some business. (Namely, turning in some important paperwork and paying the preschool bill - now that it's November. Did you know they actually will let your child attend school without birth certificates, shot records, or cash? Not forever, but at least until November...)

So anyway, Meara and I were just walking along. It was raining, and she was adorable, and I was helping her unwrap a piece of candy and thinking about nothing in particular, when I was struck by a fleeting - yet very vivid - memory.

All of the sudden, I remembered me. I was just starting to think about getting pregnant with my fourth and last child. I had dropped something off at the elementary school, and was walking back to my car. I looked up, and ahead of me walking across the parking lot, was a mom and her little girl.

The little girl was about three, and had long brown hair. She was adorable, and it was just her and her mom, doing nothing special - just walking along together.

A mom. And her little girl.

I got teary that day watching them. I think I got in my car and cried because I wanted a daughter SOOOOO bad, but didn't know if I would get one. I was trying so hard to prepare myself for the possibility of all boys, but I couldn't help coveting the experience of that mom, just walking around taking for granted the fact that there was a little person with long pigtails, wearing pink, (and not doing any fighting moves OR making any sound effects) skipping along behind her.

I wanted to be her, and I felt horribly guilty.

And today, there I was - at the elementary, doing nothing special - with my little girl. It was the most wonderful moment I've had in a long time. And in case your wondering, we may have been doing nothing, and we may have been together, but I was NOT taking it for granted. I am still so overwhelmed by the fact that Heavenly Father gave me my heart's desire, that I honestly can't get over it. Every single thing she does that proclaims her female warms my soul and reminds me of how much the Lord must love me.

Why else would He have sent me my Meara?


Barbaloot said...

Jen-that's so sweet! As the only girl, (and the youngest) I think your little girl is in the perfect place! Elementary years may be rough...but after that, friendships with her brothers will be the best! And it never gets old hearing your parents tell you how happy they are to have had a little girl.

I bet you're glad you didn't end up selling her to Grandma like her brother wanted:)

Heidi said...

I too appreciate the gift of my daughters-- I love my son, but there is something special about my girls.

LisAway said...

I love such "moments"! And it's a good idea to write them down (like you just have) because wouldn't it be sad to forget that moment some day?

Machen Family said...

That was the sweetest post..I have one girl out for 3 children, girls are soooo special. Thanks for the story

Pat said...

I totally get this. I could have written this. I waited 5 years after my second son, well and lost a daughter in there also before the lord blessed me with my long awaited dream daughter. But hurray for you that you have someone else with estrogen in your house. And let me tell you it only gets better as she gets older. I too marvel at the tender mercies of the Lord. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Little girls are the best!!! I've had four of them...and in case you're wondering, yes, there was, once upon a time, a moment when I wished for boys. I was 15 at the time, and I actually wrote in my journal the names of all the six boys I was going to have when I grew up. The postcript on that journal entry went something like this:

"I don't think I'm going to have any girls. They're too much trouble."


So, be careful what you wish for in life, because sometimes you will get it... and sometimes you won't. But Heavenly Father always knows what you NEED. Thank Heavens!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

YOu seriously need to print that up on special paper and fold it into her book of memories! That was so cute and I got SO misty eyed! :)

Alison Wonderland said...

So sweet. I had my girl first so I think I did, and still do, take the lack of fighting moves and sound effects. I'm working on it.

Claire said...

I think i'd like the sound effects and fighting moves... though I don't know if I could go through another labour like the last one in order to get it... WE've got 3 girls and I think Robbie may have to resign himself to the fact that there will be no ninja moves while waling along the street. Unless he trains up Hannah, our middle child. She's our best bet for being the son we never had.

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

How sweet! I ♥ your blog and just signed up to follow it :) ♥ Hugs!

Natalie said...

She is a darling girl too.

Natalie said...

She is a darling girl too.