Sunday, November 23, 2008

Get Ready To Limerick! Yes, YOU could win a world title (just think of putting that on the resume!) For more info, read on...

So, with all this talk about holiday food, and holiday diets, I've decided it's time for a....LIMERICK CONTEST!!!!

That's right, another shot at a spot on my illustrious side bar, and the title of "The World's Greatest Limerick Writer Ever!" I know, it's been awhile, and I'm afraid if Lisa goes any longer unchallenged, it might go to her head. Then again, she may hold onto the just.Never.Know. So let's talk about the rules:

1. Five lines.

2. Lines 1,2,5 have to rhyme.

3. Lines 3,4 have to rhyme.

4. In case anyone is wondering, all lines can rhyme.

5. If you aren't sure of the meter, read the limericks on my sidebar, or the ones I'm no doubt going to dash off a little farther down in this post.

6. You DO get points for making me laugh, and you DEFINITELY get points for having a good meter.

More about the topic. Anything that has anything to do with tempting holiday treats, trying to not eat food, craving food you can't have, exercising to justify food you gave in to, or anything else that in any way correlates with dieting, holiday food, food-in-general, exercise, etc, goes. Let me kick this thing off, and get you all warmed up with a few limericks of my own...

Why is it a Holiday diet
Sends my cravings into a riot?
Pies, pastries and roast,
I love them all most,
The only hope for my mouth is to tie it.

Get it? Tie it shut? If only that were an option. Let's try for another one.

On my stupid treadmill I run
To make up for my holiday fun.
I ate that whole pie
And I think I might die,
By New Year's I'll have put on a ton!

Or how about,

I love thinking of Holiday food
It puts me in such a good mood!
A month worth of eats,
All kinds of good treats!
To not eat it would simply be rude.

And I'd never want to be rude. So there you go, have at it, and write me some good limericks. Contest will be open until Wednesday night, and if I get a chance I'll post some highlights between now and then. Leave your entries in my comment box, and multiple entries are definitely okay - enter as many times as you want.

Well what are you waiting for? Go write a limerick!


Anonymous said...

I can't believe I missed this yesterday! WHOO-HOO! I'm so excited -- but I have to get in limerick writing mode, so I'll be back! (The gauntlet has been out, Lisa! I'm out for blood!)

Jen said...

Uh, Sue? You didn't miss it. I just posted it. I should have put money down that you'd be my first taker...And I can't wait! Your limericks ROCK!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I didn't check the date that closely -- I haven't checked my dashboard since Friday!

So here's attempt #1:

The time has come to give thanks
For blessings I can't list by rank
But I can't eat my dinner
Without getting thinner
So I can be grateful for Spanx!

Comedy Tornado said...

During Christmas I had a pet frog,
Who drank way too much eggnog.
With no one aware
He leaped off a chair,
Into the mouth of our hungry pet dog.

Paul Venier

Comedy Tornado said...

Again Christmas time is here
And we'll eat and be of good cheer
But when tomorrow comes 'round
We'll hear only the sound
Of burping and farting, I fear

Paul Venier

Doug998 said...

So, my doctor is finally sending
Me back to the gym. Now I'm wending
My way there. I'm keen
On a favourite machine ...
(It's the one that does nothing but vending).

McFarland Family said...

With holidays there's always good treats.
Yummy stuff from everywhere to eat.
It all goes to my hips,
Enough to sink ships!
What will people say when we meet?

Hey what's that, oh it's fudge.
But I don't want my scale to budge.
Oh, what should I do?
I'll pass it on to you,
Because you, I have no reason to judge.

Machen family said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Machen family said...

Ok Jen, I'm submitting my own. I put them up on my blog to have people vote to see which one they liked best...but I'm too giddy, I'll submit both...

After five quarts of eggnog it's a haze
Standing on my scale in a daze
and ask myself why
I ate that whole pie
So I return to the table to graze.

With the effort it takes to stuff in her rear
Her trousers look at holidays in fear
They're hoping she'll try
to say no to pie
or it's sianara 'til next year

Stephanie said...

My Thanksgiving feast is near,
the calories go straight to my rear.
I'll follow Jen's diet which is not fluff,
Then pack it all down plus a cream puff
And my scale will be vacant until New Year.

Natalie said...

As soon as I wake in the morning I cry,
why oh why can't I just eat that pie?
pumpkin, and pecan, coconut cream,
these are what make up my holiday dreams,
shall I diet or eat till I die?

So, I started a weight loss blog,
should change its name to "Avoiding Egg Nog",
or "Pudge Caused By Fudge" ,
or "The Holiday Drudge",
I'll skip sugar & watch the Yule Log.

Susan said...

I need a new title if I get laid off tomorrow.'ve been tagged, only if you want to play.

Annie Valentine said...

Business first. Comedy Tornado, it is really not okay to post a link to your blog in someone else's comment box, bad etiquette. Thought you should know.

I gorge on sweet yams and cooked stuffing
So full that I'm huffing and puffing
I think I might die
Until someone yells, "Pie!"
I roll back in, stopping at nuffing.

Annie Valentine said...

PS- I'm slightly better, Jen, but only enough to post this ?@#$ lymeric you asked for.

Veronica Reeve said...

Hi, I'm Camille's sister. I had to submit a limerick, in hopes that I would win, and I would become my father's favorite child, instead of her.

I call it, "Flight of the Button"

As we gather around the Thanksgiving table,
I eat until my button is no longer able,
With a POP and a cry,
It sails through the sky,
And lands in the yams of Aunt Mable.

Machen family said...

I cry fowl! I don't think siblings should compete against each other especially when it comes to a limericking contest.. Please disregard her submission, all my life she had to "best" me at something, don't let her do this to me again.
Love you Veronica!

Jen said...

Hey! I finally get a chance to check out my entries, and there are already so many!

I love it.

Doug998 - love the vending machine.
Camille - your eggnog entry cracked me up.
Annie - So us.
Veronica - love the popping button!

I hope these keep coming, because this is way too much fun!

Jen said...

Oh, and Sue? I can't leave without commenting on yours!

Brilliant. You never disappoint:)

Annie Valentine said...

Oh yeah, my "no linky link on the blog" comment was NOT aimed at Susan (since her link was necessary to Jen's happiness).

It took me three hours to come down and post this so I didn't see her comment in time.

LisAway said...

I have to get my foot in here so I'll leave this one for now. But I'll be back. Ooooooh I'll be back.

It really is something to watch,
People loosen their belts a notch.
They ate too much dinner.
They'll never get thinner,
Because now their diet is botched.

And I'm sorry I'm using dinner and thinner like Sue, but I thought this up in bed last night and hadn't read hers yet! Promise!

McFarland Family said...

I have a few more entries:)

Can't fit one more bite in these jeans.
Any idea what that means?
I ate till I popped,
And couldn't be stopped.
I must be the fattest person ever seen.

What's worse, the roll or the pie?
Will either make me die?
I'm eating them both.
Expect rapid growth.
In the end, it might make me cry.

I love eating all of my dinner
It makes me feel like a winner
A winner of what?
A big, jiggly butt!!
But does this make me a sinner?

Jen said...

McFarland? Consider yourself in the running!

Annie Valentine said...

Jessie and her jiggly butt get my vote.

Anonymous said...

Here's a little Thanksgiving Math humor...

There are mounds of potatoes I've pared,
And mashed them as much as I dared,
No matter how much I stuff
There's never enough
Area for the Pie-R-squared!

(And yes, I'll be measuring my circumference before and AFTER dinner!)

Jim Pettit said...

With the failure of so many banks,
It's much harder this year to give thanks.
With our finances murky,
We're skipping the turkey;
For dinner this holiday? Franks...

Jim Pettit said...

Oh, this incline I'm on has me huffing!
It's steep, and my lungs are a-puffing!
I need oxygen! Prayers!...
What? It's only some stairs?!
(Note to self: need to lay off the stuffing.)

Jim Pettit said...

One more if that's okay; this is fun. :)

After holiday dinner, I hurt,
For I'm stretching the front of my shirt,
And my trousers just tore.
I can't eat any more...
So I'm stopping when through with dessert.

Claire said...

Why does Christmas come round so fast?
Here - to increase the size of my ass,
The cakes, the pies,
All to double my size,
Yes - I'll look like Mama Cass.

FYI - i'm rubbish at doing these things. Clearly. But I made myself laugh, and that's all that matters;)

Machen family said...

As I sat at the table beside her
My eyes fondled the food and the cider
I said pass it right here
and did everyone cheer!
Now I'm druunnk shand pasdfhodider!

(I don't think that works real well. I'm hoping my bishop doesn't read this.)

Anonymous said...

Okay, I was just about to try one more try, just to redeem myself from the lame, pathetic attempt from last night, but instead I'll spare you all and give my vote to Jim P. "Note to self" .... that was hysterical. And his others were equally witty. (We're having hot dogs for our big dinner, too!)

Jen said...

Jim - those are HYSTERICAL! So glad you joined us! (and yes, limericks are a blast once you get in the mode)

And this is suddenly getting really hard to judge. Machen, your drunk one cracked me up too, and so did Sue's.

I'll keep checking in for new entries, and before I go to bed tonight I'll reveal the winner.

LisAway said...

I can't think of limericks tonight.
My head's in a terrible plight.
It's potatoes and turkey
That's why I'm a jerk, see?
For my title, I'm not going to fight.


Really, all I can think is, was I making the orange or the raspberry jell-o? And what was I going to do for potatoes again, since I don't know how to make a good gravy? *sigh* Good Gravy, indeed!

Natalie said...

So, tonight Jen names the winner,
who ryhmes best 'bout turkey dinner,
good luck to all,
we had a ball,
even if we didn't get thinner.

Alison Wonderland said...

Mashed potatoes and turkey and pie,
I eat so much I think I might die.
It's the same every year
But have nothing to fear,
I've no scale so tomorrow, no cry.

Yeah that one's not so good.
How about this:

This morning I got up to run,
And my trainer, I'm under his gun,
I'm in training you see,
'Cus along with the tree,
To party I just eat a ton.

Or maybe.

I eat and I eat and I eat.
And tomorrow I won't see my feet.
I love candies and pies
and it goes to my thighs,
But for lypo my guy can't be beat.

one more.

It's for family and friends and some fun,
Heck, my siblings all go on a run.
Now me, I don't work out,
But whatever you are about,
Tis the season to have some real fun.

and now the cheese:

Last December I delivered a boy,
To his siblings he was a grea toy.
So now this christmas time
I'm so glad they're all mine,
Because each of my kids is a joy.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

well, this is probably too late, but I just found your blog and it looked fun, so I'll give it a whirl:

Oh no, it's that time of the year
When cookies and candy bring cheer.
It's all fine and great
'til I've put on the weight
And realize I have Santa's rear!

Jayde said...

I know this is late (by three years), but I just found your blog and thought I'd give it a try.

I tried to resist a full plate,
But my tummy was getting irate;
So I tried just a bite
Then I gave up the fight
I swear that that pie is "me"-bait.

Jenny said...

I just read Jayde's limerick (two years after her three-years-late entry), and it's been decided. She WINS! Too bad she'll probably never know of her great achievement, but just in case she somehow finds out and reads this comment - You're awesome Jayde. If anyone read my blog anymore, I would totally hold another limerick competition just to give you a real shot at the coveted spot on my sidebar:)