Saturday, March 14, 2009

And the Winner is....

Time for the big verdict. Can I just say I hate this part? And no one even offered one single opinion, so I am entirely on my own here. As usual, I have not made my decision yet. I always do this the same way - I copy over the ones I got the biggest kick out of, and start typing away, and hope that at some magical moment the choice will seem obvious. Here we go.

We'll start with one of McFarland's. Just for the record, she is our reigning champ. One look at the prolific limericking she's capable of, and no one should wonder that she's in the running every time. My McFarland-favorite this round is this:

Help! I just saw my reflection.
What made me look that direction?
It's the swimsuit you see,
I put it on me!
But why, I have no recollection.

I love how she captured my feelings exactly. I decide I need a swimsuit. I think I know what will flatter. I think I'm thin enough to pull it off. I pick one (or a dozen) off the rack, get into the dressing room, put on a suit, and think, "Why am I here? Why did I think this would work? Why, why, why can't I remember what swimsuit shopping is like!" So sad, yet so true.

Next we have my sister Annie's little gem:

How could this suit do that to me?
I've been wearing it since 2003
I wish I were dead
My face is all red
And my boobies? The public can see

I have to admit, at one point I had this one picked as the sure-fire winner. First off, it's hysterical. Second, what a visual. And third? This would totally have (and probably has) happened to my sister. There is only one small technicality - I said it had to have something to do with swimsuit shopping. Which it doesn't. Unless you can rationalize that she went shopping in 2003, and will now obviously have to go again. We'll see.

And from a new contender, Steph @ Diapers & Divinity:

Swimsuit season is coming in sight.
But shopping for suits? What a fright!
My butt's a sedan.
Maybe I should go tan;
or is cottage cheese meant to be white?

This one is just great. I love the whole to-tan-or-not-to-tan (or possibly more appropriately, to-tan-but-HOW-to-tan) question. As one of those "lucky" women blessed with skin white enough to put the most severe cases of anemia to shame, for me this is an annual debate.

Then there's Alison Wonderland's. She always has some good stuff to throw out there:

For most gals suit shopping's a pain.
Its like money they pour down the drain.
But believe it or not.
I always look hot.
I'm gorgeous. And not at all vain.

The beauty of this one? I wish it were me. I would so love to feel this way when trying on swimsuits. Instead, I feel like all the little issues that are so easily camouflaged by regular clothing are suddenly (and very rudely) put on display, informing the world that I am, in fact, a fraud. Strip me down to an unforgiving piece of spandex, and every little problem glares out, revealing all my disillusionments about being thin and fit.

And now I have to choose. Unfortunately, I feel I must rule out Annie's on the technicality. I'll be expecting her irate phone call anytime. (You can hardly blame her - winning this title is one of her major goals in this life). And of those left, the one that seems to most capture the universal irritations of swimsuit shopping is....

STEPH'S!!!! From DIAPERS AND DIVINITY!!!! Wow. I am just going to go out on a limb and say how incredibly honored she's feeling right now! This is no doubt one of the defining moments of her divine existence. A world title. A PLACE ON MY SIDEBAR!! Steph, don't worry, it's normal for winner's of this title to feel the elation you are currently experiencing. I assure you, however, your feet actually are still on solid ground - despite that floating sensation. Put your head between your knees, take a few deep breaths, and you'll be just fine. Fame can't ruin you unless you let it.

And thanks everyone, for all your limericks. You have no idea how much of a kick I get out of this! Now I just need someone else to host one of these so I can get some of my own limericking out of my system!


Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

It's true, I'm floating! I'd like to thank the many bags of milk chocolate chips that made the inspiration for this limerick possible... both the artistic inspiration and that cottage cheese part. I'd love to go on and on about this great honor, but I think I'd better go start up my fansite. Thanks, Jen. :)

I'll do you the honor you deserve and return the favor by hosting a limerick contest at my blog in the coming weeks. (I'll give you a head's up when it's about to appear.)

Fun stuff. I thought the other ones were great!

Alison Wonderland said...

ROBBED! I was robbed!! Again!
(Mumble mumble mumble just because you're jealous mumble mumble.)

And for the record that limrick was (not) autobiographical.

Machen family said...

Steph's limerick is worthy of your great reward! Congratulations!

McFarland Family said...

The cottage cheese is nothing short of brilliant!

Kpetes-draggin said...

Hey Jenny, I finally made it over for a visit yesterday and the page was blank! So I missed my big chance at fame, but to all the winners, you are hillarious. I love them and as always, your blog is sheer entertainment. Thanks for keeping my blog on your list, lame as I am-I see Anne has dropped me, ha. K

Chaka said...

I'm sorry for the lack of participation. Don't take it personally. The weekends are always rough on blogs. I was working on an entry but ran out of time. It takes me a good week to come up with two sentences that rhyme. I need to pay attention to deadlines better.

Natalie said...

This was a gem. Good job, Steph!

That Girl in Brazil said...

Pure. Fabulousness.

And this is why I didn't enter!

R Max said...

I'm glad I didn't see this until you had a winner... I would have completely embarrassed myself and you would have had to create a category for the "worst limerick in known history".

So, lucky me.

Annie Valentine said...

Boy I really want to go swimsuit shopping now.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Ohhhhh, those are ALL so funny!!!

Shelley said...

Ok, so I was side-tracked and didn't want to spoil the fun by "trying" to put something together that you all would boo at.
You have some of the best limericks ever right here on your sight. Fantastic!
And can I just say if...and I say if... I go swim suit shopping this year, I guarantee you I will remember the cottage cheese comment!!