Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Prepare Your Brains, IT'S TIME TO LIMERICK! Yet Another Chance for YOU to Win My Highly Acclaimed Limerick Contest, and Become the World's Greatest!

Work + the housework you didn't do because you were at work + the dinner you have to make because for some strange reason people keep insisting on being fed = Complete Lack of Creativity.

If math had made this much sense I'd have aced it. And since I have zero creativity of my own at the moment, I've decided to be a creativity-leech, and steal some of yours.....


But what for a topic? Never fear, I have just the thing. In honor of the coming of Spring and all things Springy, I've chosen a topic near and dear to all of our hearts: Swimsuit shopping.

It's also in honor of the one I recently purchased via the internet, that was a bit of a disaster. Word to the wise: February Funks often lead to a bit of over-eating. In my case, one could even say Reckless Abandonment. This makes swimsuit shopping in March a hazardous experience, and I strongly caution against any and all swimsuiting until a full FebFunk recovery has been made.

Meanwhile, back to the limericks. In case any of you don't know how this works, here's a basic rundown:

1. Your limerick can have to do with any aspect of swimsuit shopping.

2. This is a family blog, so please keep things clean and refrain from mentioning things like, well - what that one guy mentioned in his limerick the last time I had a contest.

3. Leave your entries in my comment box.

4. Enter as many times as you want - the more the merrier.

And now, a crash course on Limericking. A limerick follows these rules:

*They have five lines.

*Lines 1, 2, and 5 MUST rhyme.

*Lines 3, and 4 MUST rhyme.

*For the meter, read the limericks on my sidebar, or the ones I'm about to write in this post. It's pretty basic. Let's try one out for size, shall we?

The mirror is not a good friend
When a swimsuit the mailman did send.
I'm definitely no model,
And may hit the bottle,
When what I need is clearly Fen fen.

Hmmm. Not the greatest, but at least I got to the end. Let's go for another:

There's nothing can make a girl cringe
Like swimsuiting right after a binge.
I squeezed myself in,
And tried to "think thin"
Do you think I'd do better with fringe?

And how about one more, since I like odd numbers...

The sales lady promised delight,
When all I got was a fright.
Either she's a big liar,
Or I have a spare tire
That no tummy-tucker will right.

Enough. My poor, tired brain can do no more - the rest is up to you. I have a fabulous plan for a giveaway, but until someone can make Tia a button, you hopefuls will have to make do with the exciting promise of replacing McFarland on my sidebar.

I know. It's beyond your wildest dreams to be there, right under the title of "The World's Greatest Limerick Writer EVER!!!!!!" And to think the honor can only go to one lucky winner. Such a travesty, when so many crave limericking distinction. But then again, no one ever said life was fair, right?


If you want to look at past limerick contests to check out the competition, go here or here

If you want to write a limerick but just can't seem to do it, go ahead and throw us some poetry just for fun - although only actual limericks are eligible for the "Big Prize". Good luck.


LisAway said...

Yay! Well, I am rather barren of anything fun or interesting lately (which you'll know if you've been reading my blog) but I'll FORCE myself to come up with some of these.

Alison Wonderland said...

Susper Yay, I LOVE the limerick contest!
Here goes:

I ate and I ate and I ate
And my swim suit, well, it is not great
So a mumu I'll try
But I still want to cry
Glad I'm married and don't have to date!

Alison Wonderland said...

To get a new suit's such a bother.
To get this one or that or the other.
So you might think I'm lazy
Or maybe just crazy
But I leave the choice up to your brother.

Alison Wonderland said...

For most gals suit shopping's a pain.
Its like money they pour down the drain.
But believe it or not.
I always look hot.
I'm gorgeous. And not at all vain.

McFarland Family said...

Bikini or one-piece? It's treason!!
This butt will get me some teasin'
Is it really so fun,
To sit in the sun?
I think I'll just skip the whole season!

McFarland Family said...

I don't know where I went wrong
I didn't order a thong
When you shop on the net,
What surprises you get!
Now where did I put my sarong?

McFarland Family said...

Before you go for that swim
Don't buy a suit on a whim
Be sure that it flatters
And not that it fatters
Now you look hot and slim

I'll take a break for now.

McFarland Family said...

okay, one more.

Help! I just saw my reflection.
What made me look that direction?
It's the swimsuit you see,
I put it on me!
But why, I have no recollection.

Jen said...

swimsuit shopping is not fun,
especially for me—a not haute one.
what i need is a tent,
to cover me through lent,
and keep my white skin from the hot sun.

Jen said...

How to cover my curdy legs,
Whiter than the bleachiest eggs?
leggings might,
maybe tights,
Or cut off and replace with pegs?

Jen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kellie said...

Here's my first one ever.

the pinching, the pulling, the wedgies
yet I've tried to eat all my veggies
this swimsuit seems doomed
my thighs have ballooned
and I suddenly relate to farm piggies.

Annie Valentine said...

A two piece I never will do
And frankly, neither should you
no one should see
the uncovered me
my middle is white like the glue

I confess, I am quite a floozie
My new low-cut swimsuit's a doozie
the patrons all gawk
the teenage boys squawk
the suit is so tight I get woozie

A built-in bra is her need
To get her girls back "up to speed"
How could she go out?
all that bouncing about
At least they can float, yes indeed

How could this suit do that to me?
I've been wearing it since 2003
I wish I were dead
My face is all red
And my boobies? The public can see

megan said...

A new suit? A new suit.
"Do you think this is cute?"
I don't care about chubby,
Neither will future hubby.
Time for cheeseburgers! WOOT!

McFarland Family said...

Very good Annie, I'm laughing. My poor boobies!

Oh what am I gonna do now?
I look like a big fat cow!
I guess I'll return it,
Or maybe I'll burn it.
This swimsuit I disavow.

Cecily said...

Never done a limerick, well maybe in high school, but her I go.

Swimsuit shopping I did go
Time to face my biggest foe
I found one I did likes
Put in on and said "yikes"
I think i'll just cover head to toe

Cecily said...

Wow really making me want to do one now

Swimsuit time, you say
My response is oy vay
My thighs are flabby
It really makes me crabby
Why won't summer go away?

Stephanie said...

I shopped for a two-piece today.
The salesman said I'd blow them away.
I tried on the thong,
and bent over too long
and that salesman went running away.

Machen family said...

Under the dressing room glare
I try on the first of a pair
Breastesses are saggy
The butt lookin' craggy
And when did I last shave down there?

Stephanie said...

I've been eating salami all winter
just to get thin like a splinter.
Annie said it would work
and that I'd soon be a flirt,
but apparently I still make men squinter.

Laura said...

Ok, here goes, hope the rhyming gene will kick in here....

The choices before me are few
when I look for a suit that will "do".
I need support,
they all come up short,
and I'm left with a uni-boob, too.

The worst suit that I ever saw
Had two holes on the sides that would draw
Every eye straight to that
Place I store all my fat,
I think it should be against the law.

Rachel said...

I'm laughing so hard, these limericks
are the greatest!!!

It was time to go to the pool
But I sat depressed on my stool
The brownies I ate
Jacked up my weight
And now I'm a fatty whale fool.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad, hahaha!!!

Robyn said...

Ok, here is my first shot at a limerick

Summer is finally near
Time for a new swimsuit, I fear.
Exercising has been such a pain.
I look in the mirror, insane!
Oh, which one will cover my rear!

Robyn said...

Ok, here is my first shot at a limerick

Summer is finally near
Time for a new swimsuit, I fear.
Exercising has been such a pain.
I look in the mirror, insane!
Oh, which one will cover my rear!

Robyn said...

oops, I guess i hit send twice.

Machen family said...

OK I'm redoing mine...

I'm under the dressing room glare
to try on the first of a pair
My breasts are saggy
The butt lookin' craggy
And when did I last shave down there?

Breastesses as a word was bothering me, I have to be classier than that. I don't know if the tweekin' has helped it any. I'll be thinking some more

Jen said...

Holy Hilarious Batman! I've been at work today, so I couldn't do my usual running commentary - what a tragedy. These are SO FUNNY!!! Now, there's no way I can comment on all of them, but I do have a few remarks:

McFarland - You are limericking royalty now. My fav is the reflections one.

Alison - Lovin' your hottie rhyme!

Kellie - Congrats! Your first ever attempt is right up there at the top!

Annie - Consider yourself and your boobies in the running.

Machen - Love it.

STEPH!!!! - YOU WROTE TWO LIMERICKS!!! And your salami one is so in the running.

Everyone else - especially the rest of you first time limerickers - those were so great! I laughed so hard reading them all, that it's going to be hard to choose the winner. Keep 'em coming!!!!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Good heavens! It's springtime again.
Let the worst of all shopping begin.
Too tight, too revealing,
Such a horrible feeling.
These swimsuits were all made by men!


I really would like one more bite full.
But to shop for swimsuits is just frighful.
My boobs and my thighs!
Can I put out my eyes?
Guantanamo would be delightful.


Swimsuit season is coming in sight.
But shopping for suits? What a fright!
My butt's a sedan.
Maybe I should go tan;
or is cottage cheese meant to be white?

nikkicrumpet said...

My brain doesn't do poetry this late at night...but I sure enjoyed everyone elses! And boy oh boy do I wish with all my might that I could still get my hands on some Fen Fen!!!!

Anonymous said...

Well, see what I nearly missed? I can't promise anything worthy of you, but you know me -- I can't resist the challenge!

As summer comes quickly upon us,
There's one thing that makes me think "cuss":
The trip to the store
Where swimsuits galore
Are made only for girls with a bust!

My hips are not anxiously waiting
For swimsuits that that I am just hating
The curves are all shown
My cover is blown
My suit for a bathrobe I'm trading.

Jen said...

Steph - Love your limericks! Can't decide whether I like the first or third best, but time will tell...

Sue - SO GLAD YOU MADE IT!!! And you never disappoint. I can't decide between your two either, although I have to admit I love the cottage cheese line. And believe me - YOU ARE WORTHY!

McFarland Family said...

It's something I put off for years.
And it always ends with some tears.
For swimsuits I shop,
A million stores where I stop.
But next year, I'll start with a beer.

Didn't it used to be fun
To go swimsuit shopping we'd run
"Get a one-piece", I'm told
Suddenly now-I'M OLD!!
I guess I should dress like a nun.

Why are swimsuits so small?
I saw some today at the mall.
I work and I sweat,
The weight goal, I've met!
But now it's already fall.

How could those be my thighs?
That mirror is telling a lie.
It's from all the ice cream;
I ate in a dream.
This swimsuit, I never will buy.

I promise, no more entries this time. I couldn't fall asleep last night.

LisAway said...

All the cute suits go back on the rack.
This summer I'll just wear a sack.
At the lake I'll save face,
Won't look too out of place,
With this bum I'll just waddle and quack.

Jen said...

McFarland,you're a machine.

Lisa - So glad you made it back! That was definitely good for a chuckle.

LisAway said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ewelina said...

Even though I'm just nine,
I like to look fine.
I take a comfortable swimming suit,
Even though it's only cute.
Next time the stylish one's mine.

In order to go swimming
I gotta do homework grinning
Then we will go to the store,
To buy me a swimming suit-one more.
But my desire to do homework is dimming.

Jen said...

Congrats Ewelina! You are the youngest limericker EVER to enter my contests!