Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Joys of the Christmas Cold (that would be the sniff, sniff variety, rather than the Brrr I'm freezing type)

I detest being sick. It was bad enough when I was young and my mom would take care of me. Getting sick when you are the mom is so. much. worse. It all started late Christmas Eve when I started sneezing. Just innocent, harmless little sneezes. By the time I had everyones stockings taken care of (including my own, because The Husband was busy sawing logs on the couch - and I'd bought most of the stuff for myself anyway, so what difference did it make?) and the house ready for Christmas morning, my nose was running. I took some medicine and went to bed.

The next morning when I woke up (at 4:30, 5:00, 5:30, 6:00 etc. because my nine year old "just couldn't sleep") I was miserable. I've spent two days on the couch, and apparently should have spent a third there, because today's activities have me right back where I started.

At least there's no throwing up. And no sore throat. Although, come to think of it, those are the two types of illness that lead to instant weight loss, which is EXACTLY what I need after that stupid cookie exchange. Instead I have major congestion merging nicely with perpetual-running-of-the-nose. Yesterday my lucky husband walked in to find me sweeping the floor with a tissue hanging out of my nose. Nice. Vic's Vapor Rub is my constant companion, as well as that head-stuffed-with-cotton feeling, and a sort of out-of-body experience every time I get up to walk around.

And can I just suggest that getting sick and/or becoming extremely-low-functioning on Christmas Day is a real pain? Not because anything special was going on - our family gets together Christmas Eve - and not because people are waiting for fancy food - I never cook on Christmas Day. (Who needs more food after the Christmas Eve binge?) No, the real problem is the mess that is Christmas morning. I swear I have picked the whole place up twenty times over the last two days. Well, my children the lucky little slaves did anyway. Every time I bend over to pick anything up my sinuses congeal into a solid mass of impenetrable mucus. Believe me, I've done as little as possible.

But still, all those stupid new toys have no homes yet, so my toy closet is a disaster waiting for me to rescue it. Unfortunately, the rescue is going to have to wait, because there's no way I'm tackling that project while I feel this rotten. Consequently, having to stare at all these toys for two days has made me re-think a few things.

a. What genius decided fully automatic Nerf guns were a good idea? (answer, Mr. Darling). Can I just say how sick I am of Nerf darts? Seeing them, stepping on them, looking for them, getting shot with a fully-automated-stream of them. Left to my own devices, these toys would never have entered my world.

b. Why do I always add army guys to the boys stockings? Aside from the fact that they apparently make great targets for the above mentioned Nerf guns, I hate them. They are constantly everywhere I look. In the Christmas tree, hanging from my kitchen cupboards, hiding in my fake plants - everywhere BUT the "army guy drawer".

c. What made me think that the cool, expandable, Dora house I picked up at a garage sale for Little Miss Two would remain unmolested by her brothers? Apparently, it is the house of a Colombian drug lord, and they have constant busts there. With fully automatic Nerf guns blasting away the army guys strategically placed in the little pink and yellow house. It's just so wrong. At least I made them stop shooting the family that goes with the house - that's something, right?

All in all, however, despite being sick it was a great Christmas. Hope yours was fantastic - and I certainly hope no one else feels as lousy as I do!


Anonymous said...

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And this is what I'm going to say:


And if you don't know what that is, go visit my blog. Or just send me your address and I'll send you a belated Christmas Present and your sinuses will have something to rejoice about!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

So sorry to hear that you are sick. I did laugh at your post though. Amen sister to the nerf thing. I used to always get my boys and husband nerf guns, and one year mary took a beating during a Christmas day battle. I mean the ceramic Mary I had painted not anyone alive.
So I hope this will pass soon. Sending you some cyber chicken soup.

Machen family said...

I'm so sorry! and I totally agree, if you're going to be sick it might as well be a horrendous case of the flu so it can help you lose weight. Here's wishing for the flu next time!
Since I do all the Christmas shopping I have made it a point not to buy the nerf guns, even though I was tempted, and I'll have to remember NO on army guys.

Annie Valentine said...

1. Mom actually took care of you when you were sick? She'd lock me in a room and tell me not to come out without washing my hands.

2. I thought you never got sick? You've been telling me for years that vitamin C and The Secret keep you perfectly healthy.

3. Your kids are really funny.

Jen said...

Anne - Mom would make me toast and cocoa. Apparently she loves me more. And did I say I was sick? What I MEANT to say, was that I'm FIGHTING the worst cold of the century. And yes, my kids are a riot.

Robyn said...

I hate being sick with flu or cold. It is horrible as a mom since you never really get a sick day from your work. Hubby's stay home from work, but our home is our work. I hope you feel better soon.

Kelly said...

Wow, and you let your hubby leave you at your house alone with the kids all Saturday evening? A SAINT, you are. I love hearing about the kids' antics. Very entertaining. Does this put the kabosh on us getting together? You know, if you are up to it this week, you will have a lot of cleaning and putting away of Christmas decorations to contend with. That would be the perfect day for me to visit.

Get better soon :)

Kristin said...

you are funny, both in the coo-koo sense and LOL sense. and both funnies are compliments. Happy bettering and be sure to watch your mouth as you step in the army guys and nerf bullets!

Melissa Bastow said...

I'm just starting to feel better. It's awesome to be able to breathe out of atleast one nostril again.

I like that your kids' imaginative play includes Columbian drug lords. And I'm glad my boys aren't old enough for nerf guns yet.

Alison Wonderland said...

I only have half of what you have and no nerf guns so I guess I come out the winner. But you're funnier than I am so really I call it even.

Get better so you can do more work! (I thought a little motivation would help.)

Jen said...

Thanks Alison. That's so motivating.


Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

LOL--I'm sorry but even when you are sick you are funny!

I wonder when I look back at the toys strewn around why they HECK we purchased some of them?

I hope you get to feeling better! :)

Natalie said...

I'm not entirely sure whether I would rather have the flu or a cold. Right now I'm thinking cold because we've had people vomiting around here and I wish they would just stop puking & have runny noses instead. HOwever... I do like your weight loss theory. Talk about looking at the glass half full. And I cracked up at the thought of your boys abusing Meara's doll house since that is exactly what happened to Brooke's adorable doll house. I was WAY more attached to the thought of her having a doll house than she was, so I was the only one in the house disturbed by the "improper" playing with it. I was nagging, "That's not how you use it!" and Brooke was gleefully playing along since she doesn't know any better. Then I had to be mad at the boys for training her wrong. Controlling, much? LOL

I'm assuming you're feeling a wee bit better since we were rewarded with not one but two posts from you?

Anonymous said...

I hope whatever is going around isn't a virus that can be transmitted over the internet. I hate those.

And I hope you feel better soon. (And don't get the rest of us sick. I'm going to go wash my hands right now.)

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Oh, holy heck! What a wonderful gift to wake up to on Christmas morning! What a Christmas! I had this exact thing for two weeks. Luckily, mine was over before Christmas.

I always knew Dora had a little something up her sleeve!

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